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荤段子(18+)

移动老总嫖,谈价三百。事罢妓索八千,移总怒。妓:按分计价,上下移动加倍,全身漫游再加;占性道费五十;八号妓收选号费。移总大怒:剽我经营理念! 
 
上了老婆的床,如同长征路上啃干粮;上了情人的床,如同咖啡加奶又加糖;上了恋人的床,如同吃鱼吃熊掌;上了小姐的床,如同万人在泡澡堂!

某领导晚上视察江阴,来到纺织厂,门口六个霓红灯大字:江阴毛纺织厂,惟独江字不亮,领导看后关切地低声问厂长:“原材料好搞吗?” 

小女孩有了新玩具总是到隔壁向小男孩炫耀,有一天,男孩生气得脱下裤子说:我这个东西你永远都不会有!第2天女孩找到他,也脱下裤子说:我妈妈说只要有了这东西,你那玩意我要多少有多少!

八大不懂事:领导敬酒你不喝,领导小姐你先摸,领导走路你坐车,领导讲话你罗嗦,领导私事你瞎说,领导洗澡你先脱,领导夹菜你转桌,领导听牌你自摸。

山有老熊,你欲捕之。初战,你败被熊奸,羞愤交加。休数日,再战又败,再被奸。养伤毕,再往,熊见你,狂笑:“你这狗日的是来打猎还是来卖淫啊!”

说一对男女正在做事,男的进入之后趴在女的身上不动,温柔的说:咱们现在联通了,女的有些不悦:你怎么不动呀。男猛烈进攻,女的高声大喊:移动就是比联通好!

一女进性用品商店,要买振动棒,老板说:“都在上面自己挑。”女认真选后说:我要那个红色的,老板看了一眼说:小姐,那是灭火器。

八大窝囊: 脏款被盗 炒股被套 情人被泡 吃伟哥无效 打麻将点炮 第一次泡小姐被举报 生孩子象对门老赵 完事老婆老说还要还要
避孕套与卫生巾对话说:我真怕你,每次你一上岗我就一星期没生意做!卫生巾说:别装蒜了,你稍微疏忽一点我十个月的生意就黄了!
王师傅坐公共汽车到某市的高潮镇.因没去过所以过几站就开始问女售票员:高潮到了没有?女售票员不耐烦的答道:高潮到了,我会叫的!

一只小狗打算到大山里创业,遇到一个工匠,给他一把斧子;遇到一个农夫,给他一把镰刀。走着走着,小狗遇到了一只老虎,吓得把斧子和镰刀都举了起来。老虎笑笑:呦,狗日的,还是个党员啊!

那天你握住那东西上下摇晃,叫你轻些别太激烈了,你就是不听,结果喷得我身上粘粘的湿湿的……早就跟你说开香槟会喷吧

某女到阿拉伯饭店用餐,见凡留大胡子者吃饭不需付钱。正疑之,老板道:留胡子者皆警察。女遂将裙子一掀道:吾乃秘密警察。

丈夫睡觉梦到正在调收音机的频道,手在老婆咪咪上转来转去说:怎么没声呢?老婆不耐烦道:没插插头当然无声啦。

两口子吵架,男的说:我吵不赢你!你上面一张嘴,下边一张嘴!女的说:我更吵不赢你!你上面有一张嘴,下面还有一个话筒,另外带两个音响!

父对儿曰,母乃祖国,父乃党,保姆乃社会,你乃人民.请造句.儿大惑?半夜见父与保姆苟合...顿悟:祖国在沉睡,党在搞社会,社会在呻吟,人民在流泪

一修道院众修女感觉寂寞,一下午在院子里骑自行车嬉戏。众女欢呼。其中一女更甚。院长怒说:“再叫就在你车上安上坐垫”。

美国伟哥欲在全国寻找形象代言人,挑选了半天最后选中了中国国家足球队,其中广告语就是:你能保证九十分钟不射吗?这时镜头转向国家队队员————他们能!!!

一人出国买来一机器人女秘书:按左乳录音,按右乳打字,且夜生活赛过真人,次日,领导投诉:怎么就没人告诉我肛门是转笔刀!

孩子问:爸爸,心有腿吗?爸爸说:没有。孩子又问:妈妈,肝有腿吗?妈妈说:没有。孩子又说:那怎么昨天晚上我听爸爸在房间里面说:“心肝把腿分开”?

母牛和公牛感情不和,分手后与大象一起生活,数次高潮之后,又觉公牛好,即回公牛身边,腾云驾雾后母牛问:数日不见,我有什么变化?公牛说:“你牛b大了!”

**和肛门是邻居**说:这几天独眼龙老来家里串门,进进出出你也不来帮忙,肛门说他每次来都在我家门口挂两个手雷吓死我了.!

两男人流落荒岛.饥饿难耐,一男人决定切下身的那东西充饥,正欲切,另一个忽然喊:停!眼中充满智慧地说:搓大了再切,那样肉多!!

一美女在河里洗澡,不慎一只小虾钻进下体,美女大惊,遂急诊到医院,一男大夫看后诚恳的说:"取出来希望不大,不如我直接给你捣成虾酱吧!"!
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一新兵起床总落后挨骂,便买燃料涂于身上,酷似迷彩装,半夜军号响他首先冲出营房,长官表扬:很好!穿的很整齐,但下次注意手榴弹应该挂在后边!!


公共汽车上,某男士掏东西时,不小心从口袋里带出避孕套,身后的妙龄女郎提醒说:先生,你二弟的工作服掉了.

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