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loser实在不知道这个PhD还要不要读下去。。。


最近有点小郁闷。。。

我在国内读的EE本科和硕士（屁大和涕大中的一家），成绩还不错，35/150，不上不下
；硕士时做的是嵌入式系统，玩ARM和TI的DM642 DSP玩了2年, 还自己画过PCB修改开发
系统，当时觉得这些都很有意思，对这些也比较有兴趣；关键是那个时候我真的傻了吧
唧得以为就算是research，最后也得在这些平台或者类似的玩意上实现不是，就决定出
个国做做research。

然后出了国，悲催了。。。出国前这边的老板（我们领域top 5，甚至top 3的大牛）说
他的research很有前景，我的那些技能在这边都能用倒；来了才知道其实完全不搭界，
组里的research发paper还行，找工作无用，而且组里印度人韩国人多，天天斗得比较
厉害，几个senior student抢authorship抢的抡椅子，结果在墙上砸了个大洞，老板觉
得丢人专门买了个投影仪屏幕把洞盖住，甚至还有比这更离谱的，我都不知道说啥好；

在这个组我最后拿了个master（老板本人极tough，大牛估计都这样，但他对我真的还
不错，最后还给了个master，他都60多了，真挺不容易的）；我紧接着换了个group接
着PhD，呆了一年，有了一篇first author的top journal和两篇co-author的很不错的
conference。但是这个方向很冷门，纯粹的research，没有应用，我的兴趣也不是很强
（做现在这个方向也有一些阴差阳错的因素在里面）；过去的一年做的有一些FPGA
implementation的东西，我觉得还行，但老板说他以后的一个长期项目是纯数学的，而
且他也发现我对数学不感兴趣, 我天天看FPGA的资料（这个以前没玩过），他不太高兴
,说让我考虑清楚自己要不要做数学继续读下去，我纠结了~~

PhD要读下去至少还有3年多，我今年已经30了，到了坎上了，毕业了得34，对于找工作
而言年龄就是个问题了；而且现在做的research又比较脱离实际，每天在实验室看着那
些paper，我心情都极差，我不停地问自己我tm看这些到底想干啥呢？有毛用？就算熬
到最后拿了个PhD，我这种绝对不发考题的，业界又没有相关工作，这个PhD又能给我什
么呢？

可要真马上放弃，又有点不甘心，总觉得读书这条路一路走来，自己都是优胜者，国内
那么变态的环境都杀出来了，没想到走到最后却要以失败结尾；再看看EE的就业形势，
心里一片冰凉，有点失落。。。
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